“Are you there God?
It’s me, Katie.”
Judy Blume was always my favorite author as a child and I would
often find myself praying that sentence off and on for 20 years. I bartered and
begged with Him, but for the life of me I couldn’t get Him to answer my
questions. So sneaky like I started asking the question “why” using fancier
words, that’s what authors do, right? I found this more productive; I’d ask a
question and He would put someone in my way with the answer. This went on for
years until February 16, 2011 when I was laying in a hospital bed as a left
below knee amputee. That night I reverted to “Are you there God? It’s me,
Katie. Now what?” I was waiting for an answer when a nurse came in with a CD. I
listened to the voice of Michael Bublé and John Mayer and this peace washed
over me. His answer was obvious, “Now we dance.”
So you might be asking yourself what this has to do with
being an author. My series of Christian romance, The Sugar’s Series, features
Sugar, a mid western ballroom dancer who, like me, lost a lot in life and found
herself Dreaming with a Broken Heart. I began to write Sugar’s Dance while waiting to walk again and found her story came
faster than I could type it. My intention was not to write Sugar’s story as a
Christian romance, in fact I really had no intention of even publishing it. My
intention was to write it for me. As I wrote I found Sugar asked “Why God?” a
lot. I was pretty uncomfortable with it, but since this was her journey I
carried on. Then one night I said, “Are you there God?” and I poured my heart
about how I wasn’t sure if it was “right” to write a book that could be
construed as a Christian romance, if I ever did publish it, when the underlying
theme of the character’s relationship with Him was, “I’m still mad at Him and He knows that. I can
agree to be friends with Him, but I haven’t figured out how to love Him again.”
When I got up the next day I avoided Sugar like the plague. I didn’t want to
admit to myself maybe there was a little of me in Sugar, so I put my MP3 player
on and the first two songs were ‘Bridge Over Troubled Water’ and ‘Say’. I blew
out a breath and opened the document. Without even thinking this is what came
through, “That is one of the most frank admittances of imperfection I have ever
heard. You are a surprise around every corner Sugar. The fact that you still
come out here to talk to Him and you believe in that higher power is admirable
considering what you have been through. I’m inclined to believe that He loves
you for your honesty because I don’t believe He gets that from a lot of his
worshippers.” And with that we began to waltz.
As the days turned into weeks Sugar’s story flowed and I
continued to let her ask “Why?” As her story progressed she began to see the
reasons why and so did I. By the time I had the first solid 14 chapters of the
book written I was up walking on two feet again, just 5 weeks after that night
in the hospital, lucky to have a very talented friend helping me. When I hit
chapter 25 I needed to do some hardcore research of the Twin Ports. We spend a
lot of time in the Duluth/Cloquet Minnesota area because it’s where my husband
grew up. When I decided Sugar would live there I knew the book had to be as
close to 100% accurate as I could make it and that meant lots of trips north. It's
summer now and I’m holding my husband’s hand as he walked me through Canal Park .
I’m smiling as I see another reason for the last 20 years; appreciation of the
simple things like holding hands. By the time summer comes to a close I have
the final chapter to write. Needing to get this scene EXACTLY right I found
myself staring down the sand covered path that led to the beach on Canal Park .
Sand isn’t easy for an amputee, but with some slipping and sliding I found
myself standing in Lake Superior ! As I stood
there with the cold water lapping over my foot smiling for the camera, I was
sure our waltz was over and I had the reason!
Nope, not even close. After much painful consideration and
encouragement from friends I hit publish. Okay dance over, her story is told!
Nope. Don’t get me wrong, it felt great, but I was comfortable now in the dance
and knew there was more. I started getting emails telling me Sugar had changed
their perspective and validated their own struggles and others asking me to
finish her story, so I answered Him with Sugar’s Song. Once again He put people
in my path that I needed to meet. There were friends from Sugar’s World (Duluth ) who shared their
struggles with me. I met two wonderful groups of authors, locally and virtually,
who became the lamp unto my feet during a time this summer when I struggled to
finish her Song. It’s November and I hit that publish button again and this
time I didn’t question if I had the reason, because I knew I didn’t. Sugar had
an encore to dance and I sat down to write Sugar’s Night. As the words poured
out He laid Sugar’s “why” right out in front of me. BAM! I got up and walked
around before reading it again and yup there it was in black and white. Being a
good author I’m not going to tell you Sugar’s “why” for that would ruin the
journey. I will tell you I have found the answer to mine. As I type this short
waltz through my last two years a new opportunity to help fellow amputees just
arrived in my inbox, so I no longer ask “Are you there God?” Now I simply say,
“I’m here God, lead on.”
Twitter: @katiemettner
Facebook: facebook.com/pages/Katie-Mettner-Author/228147413916391Website: www.katiemettnerbooks.com
Great post, Katie. I liked that theme running through Sugar's Dance and the way you wrote Sugar, the way there seemed to be so very much of you in her, I could totally empathize with her. I would have asked some pretty tough questions myself. I love it when Van comes along and she finds a new dialogue with God. It's a great book and it made me think about my relationship with God and the big questions in life. Lovely to see you here ~ and I can't wait to see how Sugar's story continues.
ReplyDeleteThanks Nicky! Glad you enjoyed Sugar's Dance and hopefully you will love listening to her song. There may be a little of me in Sugar and a little bit of Sugar in me. We have gone from "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death" to "when I am afraid I will trust in you" to "This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it." I think that is a fine journey indeed!
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